The Double Standard (Part III: Sex)

The double standard that women and men are held to is perhaps the most deeply entrenched when it comes to sex and relationships.

The most obvious way men and women and differ, is in terms of dominance and submission. To use these words, in my opinion, to describe what should be a loving, consensual act seems slightly off-colored. Sex should be about pleasure and feelings, not about who is dominating whom. However, men express slightly different opinions. When surveyed, it was discovered that "30 percent of college men would commit rape if they could be sure of getting away with it", and when the wording was changed to "force a woman into having sex", 58 percent said they would (Wolf 165).

The cycle is self-perpetuating, as many women have said that they actually enjoy being dominated and "more than 50 percent of boys and nearly half the girls thought it was okay for a man to rape a woman if he was sexually aroused by her" a UCLA study reported (Wolf 167). It disgusts me that any woman (let alone half of women polled) would ever condone rape.

Rape is another integral part of this power struggle. Date rape is a huge issue across college campuses. Women go to parties, often have a few drinks and can find themselves in compromising situations. Men persuade or force women into cars, bedrooms, or dark hallways and take advantage of them. However, it is the women in these situations who get blamed for dressing like "sluts". Dressed the way they are dressed, it doesn't matter if they say yes or no to a mans advances and even if they thwart a man's attempts, they often end up pressured into situations they don't feel comfortable in. Men blame the way the woman was acting or behaving. If she was drinking to get drunk or dressed in short, tight, clothing, she clearly wanted it. When polled, 83.5 percent of men thought that "some women look like they're just asking to get raped" (Wolf 165).

I remember when I first heard about the Cheryl Aruajo case. My mom told me the story while we were driving in the car one day and I was utterly shocked. Aruajo left her children at home one night and went into a local tavern to buy cigarettes where she was viciously raped on a pool table in front of onlookers. Nonetheless, two of her four attackers were acquitted and this was the start of the "blame the victim" mentality, as she was accused of dressing provocatively. A movie, The Accused, was later made about this story.

Another double standard in the bedroom is when it comes to climaxing. Women will fake orgasms to "please their husbands" but I have never heard of men "faking it" to please their wives (Wolf 147). Wolf argues that in development, "sexual giving emerges as generosity rather than submissiveness" but women continue to take on the role of the victim or the woman being dominated when it comes to the bedroom (Wolf 155).

Above all, what I took out of this chapter is that women should not be blamed for men's insecurities (sexual or otherwise) nor should they be blamed for their own assaults.