As the end of the year draws to a close and graduation becomes an imminent reality and not just a thing of the future, I spend a lot of time thinking about my family. In about two weeks, both my paternal and maternal grandparents will fly across the ocean in order to attend my graduation. As much as I eagerly anticipate their visit and seeing them again, four grandparents for a week will bring about a lot of "family time."
My paternal grandparents arrive first. At my bat mitzvah several years ago, my maternal grandparents stayed at my house while the paternal grandparents were put up in a hotel. Now it is my parental grandparents' turn.
My Grandma Jackie is my dad's step-mother, but the only grandmother on that side that I have known. My dad's mother, Grandma Helen, was killed by a drunk driver when my father was two. I have her middle name, her petite stature, and her love of language. Grandma Jackie is a former fashion model, and despite the face that it seems as though she is always going to doctor's appointments and getting prescribed new medicines, she is as glamorous as ever. She and I share our passions for horseback riding and baking. I have seen photos of Grandma Jackie back from the days when she modeled. She wasn't tall enough to do runway, but did a great deal of catalogue and editorial magazine shoots. In each photo, her complexion is flawless, her hair shiny, and her waist so tiny that I don't doubt that my hands would fit around it. Even now, she carries herself with poise, in spite of her thick Brookyln accent. I remember she got my an "eyebrow brush" when I was ten years old. I didn't even know women groomed their eyebrows yet.
My Grandma Phyllis is my mom's mom. She is the mother of four children (my mother being the youngest) and her family is clearly the most important part of her life. She makes her twelve grandkids, four children, and four children-in-law her priorities. She knows when any of us have a tennis tournament, a standardized test or a dance recital. What I love about my grandma, is no matter the circumstance or how soon it will be until we see her again, she always cries when she says goodbye to my family after the end of a visit. When she was 18 she went away to attend college, however her mom died during her first year, and Grandma Phyllis moved back home and went to a nearby college to help her dad raise her two younger siblings. I've always admired that.
I love both of my grandmas, and as different as they are, they both have the ability of being able to make me laugh. I'm sure that my graduation lunch won't be an exception, and I feel blessed to have two such amazing women in my family to look up to.
Tuesday, 29 May 2012
Sunday, 27 May 2012
The Vagina Monologues and the Awkward Factor
When we were told in class that we had to read the introduction and first part of The Vagina Monologues by Eve Ensler before the class made a decision about whether or not we would study it, I instantly saw why preparation and careful thought was needed in order to make that decision. The shock value of the book is a little bit unnerving if you aren't prepared for it, and I definitely see why some people felt uncomfortable studying it. Nonetheless, I think that itself, the fact that people did not feel comfortable discussing topics expressed by Ensler is reason enough for the class to study the play.
Class discussion surrounding this play was (in my opinion) certainly carried out with a high degree of sensitivity, but also with some degree of awkwardness. You could see people around the harkness table covering their mouths or sipping from their water bottles to mask their giggles as people said the word "vagina" freely in a classroom setting.
Nonetheless, I do feel as though I learned a great deal from reading the play and from watching clips of it performed. I liked Ensler's message that women should be proud of the fact that they are women, and that vaginas, periods, childbirth and all that comes with womanhood is something to praise and celebrate, not shy away from. She begins her piece with the phrase, "I bet you're worried. I was worried," and I found it effective that she continuously alludes to how touchy a topic she is writing about (Ensler, 3). Later, she declares, "I realize I don't know what's appropriate. I don't even know what that word means. Who decides" and then "Saying these words feels too naughty, dangerous, too direct, too specific, wrong, intense, in charge, alive," (Ensler, 117).
She talks about things that had never crossed my mind before such as dedicating a chapter of her book to women's answers to the question: "If your vagina got dressed, what would it wear?" Some of the answers are outrageous. Women responded with simple things such as "jeans" or "a silk kimono" but others said apparel such as "a large hat full of flowers" or a "costume eye mask" (Ensler, 15, 16). She also talks about more sensitive topics such as rape, genital mutilation, and sexual infidelity but makes sure to throw in funny anecdotes too such as women's stories about menstruation.
Of course, the way we studied the play is very different than watching it be performed. We don't get to see the facial expressions she uses or hear the inflection of her voice change as she speaks. We don't get to hear the tone of her voice change nor see tears well up in her eyes or angry beads of sweat form on her forehead. When watching a video clip of her perform some chapters of the play, it was more moving, and more powerful to watch how completely possessed by the work she becomes. However, in reading the play we do get to take our own interpretation away from the book, as the piece is nothing if not thought provoking. I am certainly glad that our class studied The Vagina Monologues as it definitely caused me to rethink a few things and sparked new ideas.
Class discussion surrounding this play was (in my opinion) certainly carried out with a high degree of sensitivity, but also with some degree of awkwardness. You could see people around the harkness table covering their mouths or sipping from their water bottles to mask their giggles as people said the word "vagina" freely in a classroom setting.
Nonetheless, I do feel as though I learned a great deal from reading the play and from watching clips of it performed. I liked Ensler's message that women should be proud of the fact that they are women, and that vaginas, periods, childbirth and all that comes with womanhood is something to praise and celebrate, not shy away from. She begins her piece with the phrase, "I bet you're worried. I was worried," and I found it effective that she continuously alludes to how touchy a topic she is writing about (Ensler, 3). Later, she declares, "I realize I don't know what's appropriate. I don't even know what that word means. Who decides" and then "Saying these words feels too naughty, dangerous, too direct, too specific, wrong, intense, in charge, alive," (Ensler, 117).
She talks about things that had never crossed my mind before such as dedicating a chapter of her book to women's answers to the question: "If your vagina got dressed, what would it wear?" Some of the answers are outrageous. Women responded with simple things such as "jeans" or "a silk kimono" but others said apparel such as "a large hat full of flowers" or a "costume eye mask" (Ensler, 15, 16). She also talks about more sensitive topics such as rape, genital mutilation, and sexual infidelity but makes sure to throw in funny anecdotes too such as women's stories about menstruation.
Of course, the way we studied the play is very different than watching it be performed. We don't get to see the facial expressions she uses or hear the inflection of her voice change as she speaks. We don't get to hear the tone of her voice change nor see tears well up in her eyes or angry beads of sweat form on her forehead. When watching a video clip of her perform some chapters of the play, it was more moving, and more powerful to watch how completely possessed by the work she becomes. However, in reading the play we do get to take our own interpretation away from the book, as the piece is nothing if not thought provoking. I am certainly glad that our class studied The Vagina Monologues as it definitely caused me to rethink a few things and sparked new ideas.
The Enigma of The Other Woman
Something that my girl and guy friends alike have noticed, is the inevitable competition that exists between women. When women are approached by another woman or meet a new woman for the first time, her hackles instantly go up as she sizes up this female and the possible threat she brings with her. On the other hand, when women enter a new environment, they can feel strangers' eyes bearing into them and making instant judgements about their clothes, hair, weight and shoes before they are declared a threat or not.
We have seen this theme of the impending danger of the "other woman" in several pieces of literature that we have read so far this semester, including Naomi Wolf's The Beauty Myth and Mary Wollstonecraft's A Vindication of the Rights of Women, two very different pieces.
In one court case that Wolf mentions, the case states that "attractiveness" is "a natural sex phenomenon which plays at least a subtle part in most personnel decisions," meaning that women are constantly sizing each other up as one woman's looks may cost another woman her job (Wolf, 38). Later, Wolf argues that it is the beauty myth itself that has "kept women from learning how to do something that makes all male social change possible: How to identify with the unknown woman in a way that is no personal" (Wolf, 75). According to Wolf, women will dismiss other women for being too pretty and made up, or looking too drab and dowdy. The perfect level is nearly impossible to achieve. "The unknown woman, the myth would like women to believe, is unapproachable; under suspicion before she opens her mouth because she's Another Woman, and beauty thinking urges women to approach each other as possible adversaries until they know they are friends," Wolf says (Wolf, 75).
Especially in a high school environment filled with hormonal teenage girls, Wolf's sentiments and concerns are on display perfectly. Freshmen often talk about receiving the "up down" look from older girls, and younger girls have described walking the hallways as daunting.
However, the same views were on display centuries early, when Wollstonecraft identified that women had to stop seeing each other as enemies and had to work together in their fight for equality. In her day, women who valued intelligence were often looked down on, as the traditional role of the woman was a domestic and subservient one. "The exclamations then which any advice respecting female learning commonly produces, especially from pretty women, often arise from envy," Wollstonecraft says, and believes that women and men both feel threatened by intelligent women (Wollstonecraft, 121). She also says that women are not able to achieve better progress because they "view each other with a suspicious and envious eye" and are unable to put that aside in order to work towards their common goal (Wollstonecraft, 122).
We have seen this theme of the impending danger of the "other woman" in several pieces of literature that we have read so far this semester, including Naomi Wolf's The Beauty Myth and Mary Wollstonecraft's A Vindication of the Rights of Women, two very different pieces.
In one court case that Wolf mentions, the case states that "attractiveness" is "a natural sex phenomenon which plays at least a subtle part in most personnel decisions," meaning that women are constantly sizing each other up as one woman's looks may cost another woman her job (Wolf, 38). Later, Wolf argues that it is the beauty myth itself that has "kept women from learning how to do something that makes all male social change possible: How to identify with the unknown woman in a way that is no personal" (Wolf, 75). According to Wolf, women will dismiss other women for being too pretty and made up, or looking too drab and dowdy. The perfect level is nearly impossible to achieve. "The unknown woman, the myth would like women to believe, is unapproachable; under suspicion before she opens her mouth because she's Another Woman, and beauty thinking urges women to approach each other as possible adversaries until they know they are friends," Wolf says (Wolf, 75).
Especially in a high school environment filled with hormonal teenage girls, Wolf's sentiments and concerns are on display perfectly. Freshmen often talk about receiving the "up down" look from older girls, and younger girls have described walking the hallways as daunting.
However, the same views were on display centuries early, when Wollstonecraft identified that women had to stop seeing each other as enemies and had to work together in their fight for equality. In her day, women who valued intelligence were often looked down on, as the traditional role of the woman was a domestic and subservient one. "The exclamations then which any advice respecting female learning commonly produces, especially from pretty women, often arise from envy," Wollstonecraft says, and believes that women and men both feel threatened by intelligent women (Wollstonecraft, 121). She also says that women are not able to achieve better progress because they "view each other with a suspicious and envious eye" and are unable to put that aside in order to work towards their common goal (Wollstonecraft, 122).
Friday, 4 May 2012
The Double Standard (Part III: Sex)
The double standard that women and men are held to is perhaps the most deeply entrenched when it comes to sex and relationships.
The most obvious way men and women and differ, is in terms of dominance and submission. To use these words, in my opinion, to describe what should be a loving, consensual act seems slightly off-colored. Sex should be about pleasure and feelings, not about who is dominating whom. However, men express slightly different opinions. When surveyed, it was discovered that "30 percent of college men would commit rape if they could be sure of getting away with it", and when the wording was changed to "force a woman into having sex", 58 percent said they would (Wolf 165).
The cycle is self-perpetuating, as many women have said that they actually enjoy being dominated and "more than 50 percent of boys and nearly half the girls thought it was okay for a man to rape a woman if he was sexually aroused by her" a UCLA study reported (Wolf 167). It disgusts me that any woman (let alone half of women polled) would ever condone rape.
Rape is another integral part of this power struggle. Date rape is a huge issue across college campuses. Women go to parties, often have a few drinks and can find themselves in compromising situations. Men persuade or force women into cars, bedrooms, or dark hallways and take advantage of them. However, it is the women in these situations who get blamed for dressing like "sluts". Dressed the way they are dressed, it doesn't matter if they say yes or no to a mans advances and even if they thwart a man's attempts, they often end up pressured into situations they don't feel comfortable in. Men blame the way the woman was acting or behaving. If she was drinking to get drunk or dressed in short, tight, clothing, she clearly wanted it. When polled, 83.5 percent of men thought that "some women look like they're just asking to get raped" (Wolf 165).
I remember when I first heard about the Cheryl Aruajo case. My mom told me the story while we were driving in the car one day and I was utterly shocked. Aruajo left her children at home one night and went into a local tavern to buy cigarettes where she was viciously raped on a pool table in front of onlookers. Nonetheless, two of her four attackers were acquitted and this was the start of the "blame the victim" mentality, as she was accused of dressing provocatively. A movie, The Accused, was later made about this story.
Another double standard in the bedroom is when it comes to climaxing. Women will fake orgasms to "please their husbands" but I have never heard of men "faking it" to please their wives (Wolf 147). Wolf argues that in development, "sexual giving emerges as generosity rather than submissiveness" but women continue to take on the role of the victim or the woman being dominated when it comes to the bedroom (Wolf 155).
Above all, what I took out of this chapter is that women should not be blamed for men's insecurities (sexual or otherwise) nor should they be blamed for their own assaults.
The most obvious way men and women and differ, is in terms of dominance and submission. To use these words, in my opinion, to describe what should be a loving, consensual act seems slightly off-colored. Sex should be about pleasure and feelings, not about who is dominating whom. However, men express slightly different opinions. When surveyed, it was discovered that "30 percent of college men would commit rape if they could be sure of getting away with it", and when the wording was changed to "force a woman into having sex", 58 percent said they would (Wolf 165).
The cycle is self-perpetuating, as many women have said that they actually enjoy being dominated and "more than 50 percent of boys and nearly half the girls thought it was okay for a man to rape a woman if he was sexually aroused by her" a UCLA study reported (Wolf 167). It disgusts me that any woman (let alone half of women polled) would ever condone rape.
Rape is another integral part of this power struggle. Date rape is a huge issue across college campuses. Women go to parties, often have a few drinks and can find themselves in compromising situations. Men persuade or force women into cars, bedrooms, or dark hallways and take advantage of them. However, it is the women in these situations who get blamed for dressing like "sluts". Dressed the way they are dressed, it doesn't matter if they say yes or no to a mans advances and even if they thwart a man's attempts, they often end up pressured into situations they don't feel comfortable in. Men blame the way the woman was acting or behaving. If she was drinking to get drunk or dressed in short, tight, clothing, she clearly wanted it. When polled, 83.5 percent of men thought that "some women look like they're just asking to get raped" (Wolf 165).
I remember when I first heard about the Cheryl Aruajo case. My mom told me the story while we were driving in the car one day and I was utterly shocked. Aruajo left her children at home one night and went into a local tavern to buy cigarettes where she was viciously raped on a pool table in front of onlookers. Nonetheless, two of her four attackers were acquitted and this was the start of the "blame the victim" mentality, as she was accused of dressing provocatively. A movie, The Accused, was later made about this story.
Another double standard in the bedroom is when it comes to climaxing. Women will fake orgasms to "please their husbands" but I have never heard of men "faking it" to please their wives (Wolf 147). Wolf argues that in development, "sexual giving emerges as generosity rather than submissiveness" but women continue to take on the role of the victim or the woman being dominated when it comes to the bedroom (Wolf 155).
Above all, what I took out of this chapter is that women should not be blamed for men's insecurities (sexual or otherwise) nor should they be blamed for their own assaults.
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